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Looking up by *loaym:iconloaym:



Your eyes do gleam; one white, one gold.
One never warm, one never cold.
Through these, you watch our lives on Earth -
Watch death, destruction, then rebirth.

You whisper, and we dash inside.
You roar, and leave us terrified.
Your voice precedes descending claws;
Sheer horror lies within your jaws.

But are you evil? We think not.
You gave us everything we've got!
All can thrive beneath your wing;
Your breath belongs to everything.

Your blue skin gently fades to red.
As darkness comes, you turn your head.
Your steady rhythm does not change,
Counting all within its range.

The knowledge of the man has grown,
But you'll forever be unknown.
You're space, you're time; imagine why
We ever tried to read the sky.
©2008-2009 *loaym
:iconloaym:

Author's Comments

Heh, I originally wrote this for a personification assignment in sixth grade. xD It's supposed to be about the sky. I edited it a bit, though.
I'm thinking of submitting this to our school's litereary magazine. Critique is appreciated - though, to tell you the truth, I'm not expecting many comments.

Comments


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:icondarkaquastar:
I don't know how to critique this, it's pure awesome, and it makes sense too. I can't pull off poetry like that. Well done! 8D

--
"There is something fundamentally wrong with you." - ~sapphireofslytherin
the most epic person in the universe
:iconmcculs:
Ooooo, that's soooooo good!!!!!

--
Banging your head against a wall burning 150 calories per hour
:iconmspadfoot2:
I can't pull off rhyming poetry. The only poetry about nature I can write are haikus...I like it, Loaym! Really!

--
When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die. ~Linkin Park

We don't write because we want to, we write because we have to. ~ Unkown

Real loss only occurs when you lose something you love more than yourself. ~ Anonymous
:iconloaym:
Gyah, thankyous! <3 Your writing rawks~ |D

--
I contradict myself a lot, but I'm good at sticking to a point.
:iconloaym:
I don't think I can pull off non-rhyming poetry without making it into a big mess. xD I can't make the parts of the poem flow into each other like you can.

--
I contradict myself a lot, but I'm good at sticking to a point.
:iconloaym:
Thanks, Muckles! <3

--
I contradict myself a lot, but I'm good at sticking to a point.
:icondarkaquastar:
Thankyou so much. ;^;

--
"There is something fundamentally wrong with you." - ~sapphireofslytherin
the most epic person in the universe
:iconmspadfoot2:
Yeah, but some of my poems don't flow at all!

--
When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die. ~Linkin Park

We don't write because we want to, we write because we have to. ~ Unkown

Real loss only occurs when you lose something you love more than yourself. ~ Anonymous
:iconloaym:
:glomp:

--
I contradict myself a lot, but I'm good at sticking to a point.

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December 27, 2008
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